A few weeks ago I started talking about my Lenten plans of suspending Facebook and other social media. The reactions of the people in my life were wide ranging. There were those who balked, like I was giving up water for a month and a half. Like me they have integrated Facebook into their lives, and indeed probably receives more of their time than drinking water does. There were a few people, who never got on the social media bandwagon, who said “Do you really utilize it so much, that it’s an actual sacrifice to do without it?” Well….yeah. It isn’t that I use Facebook continuously, but rather that it is used whenever there is a gap between other activities, or boredom, or as a means of delaying more daunting activities. The problem for me is that while I believe that I am “communicating” with my “friends,” I am actually just giving short little comments, and passing on articles, petitions, and videos. While I usually am passing things along that are of some substance, I am not actually communicating that much.
Now there are a few friends and family members who have been VERY supportive of such a measure. Two of my Facebook friends are joining me on the endeavor. Here are some ironies: one of them is a family friend whom I have known for the better part of my life, the other, I’ve never actually met, EXCEPT on Facebook. James, the family friend, took the same confirmation name of “Francis” the saint from Assisi who’s charism is that of simplicity. When I think of Saints, I like to think of them as heroes and heroins of deep time, and their lives are worth thinking about as we try to move intentionally with our own. I don’t have any ambition to be a saint, and I don’t think that James does either, but we both look at a human from 700 years back with some respect on living an impressive life. Francis gave up a life with many amenities. The son of a merchant, he had much more than the average person of his day. After some serious spiritual experiences, he dumped all of his wealth, and cut ties to it, taking up instead a common cloth, and extreme poverty. While that may seem crackers to most of us, Francis ended up being known for his great joy. A few years ago, James embarked on a trip walking up the Appalachian trail. We’ve talked through some of the details over the past few years, but the lasting impression for me is that he left a lot of modern conveniences behind and enjoyed time in the present having a really excellent adventure that he’ll look back on for the rest of his life. That’s awesome! Social media gives is the tingling sensation that we are doing something, and participating in something huge (huge is right), but it is no Appalachian trail.
Jackie, the friend whom I’ve never met, is a poet, and a creative spirit. We were recommended to one another as Facebook friends, by someone we both know in the physical world, who thought that we have a couple of nice things in common, which we in fact do. Through the past year or so, we’ve left comments on one another’s postings, and we’re interested in many of the same things. Social media is a really nice tool for sharing information or engaging people in a discussion. In some ways it’s a lot like the penpal programs that we had when we were in elementary school. There is someone somewhere doing something that we can talk about and have an exchange of ideas. That’s awesome too! The idea that we’ve been exchanging ideas on over the last week is that we’re giving time that we would rather use to be creative people, for something which is fairly idle and not too creative. Not for long. We’re now mutually inspiring one another in our creative endeavors. She’s subscribed to this blog, and I’ve subscribed to hers. We can engage the better parts of social media, while shedding some of the dead skin that dulls the colors of life.
My spiritual director and I spoke about the social media abstention, and I was reminded that I now live significantly far away from most of the people in my life. Social media is one of the means that people have to know that I am ok, and a way to reach me to interact with each other. I was urged to consider what ways I will not abandon communication with the people whom I love and love me. The answer is to write letters, thank you notes, purposeful email, and have phone calls. The answer is also to do as Jackie is doing; be creative–make something of my life worth sharing with my people. The answer is also to do as James has done; clear away enough things that life can be an adventure worth telling about; and share that with my people. After all, what is more important to my friends and family, the great article that I read in the New York Times, or that I am doing something with my hours and minutes that might make them proud or inspire them?
I have been thinking a lot about the digital world, and my place in it. I am a part of this time, like all of us. I have a place here. My friend lisa, occasionally culls her digital herd. She wants only to have friends online whom she is friends with in “real life” or at least would be if proximity allows. Facebook has co-opted two terms that I think need reclaiming. First “Friend” in the digital world this is now not only a noun, but also a verb. A long time ago a special person in my life told me I was a professional friend. She said that because I took friendship seriously, and if I were in someone’s life as a friend, it meant that there were lots of rights and responsibilities. To be a Facebook “friend” requires absolutely nothing of us other than to “accept.” Is that weird to anyone else? While I’ve been both a good and bad friend in “real life” I do not want any of my friendships to be as laisse faire as the digital world would let us be. I don’t mind that “friend” is now a verb, but lets make sure it’s used the way that grandma uses “neighbor” as a verb: dynamically, with love and with life.
The other word that has been troubling me is “like.” Similar to “friend” everything is “liked” it means nothing except that we’ve had a slight tingle when we though of something. We’re staking “likes” like money in the bank, except that it’s a currency on the scale of Monopoly money. We have tons of “like” but when you put the game away, there is no value added, and our lives are no better for all the things that we’ve managed to “like.” It’s just about time for us to close the laptops, and go find something outside, something simple, and like the hell out of it because we’ve just encountered the beauty around us that can set us on fire, and we might just do something interesting for the love of our people, and then have a story worth the telling.
